I’ve always struggled with this. Those who know me, know how much I fuss and whinge over every detail of every cartoon and refuse to publish things I’m not 100% happy with. It’s a flaw. I’m working on it 
It’s also something of a challenge when I look at the cartoon archive.. and consider what to do with it.. the earlier ones look horrifying to my two-years-later brain!
But if we insisted on perfection at all times we’d never get anything done; the fear of failure.. of not getting everything right first time can leave us paralysed. It’s important to remember that people are not born perfectionists; there was probably someone early on who demanded unreasonable levels of achievement from you. Someone who needed to be pleased and proud in order to deliver the “love” that all children crave and that should be unconditional whether you get it right first time or fail miserably.
Are you afraid to fail? Are you unable to try new things or make changes in your life or behaviours in case things go horribly wrong? What would happen if they did? Would the world end? Really?
This paralysis can be the thing that brings people to therapy. And then you have another conundrum.. what if the therapist is a perfectionist? Well, hopefully they’ve had enough of their own therapy to be able to take appropriate risks and keep the therapy moving forward. Or have that marvel of quality control.. a Supervisor.. to point out when they are stagnating.
The photos I post online of my workspace often show hints of buckets of screwed up paper (and empty Cherry Coke cans = cartoon fuel) as I discard ideas and sketches across all my projects that just don’t come up to scratch. Possibly I make it harder for myself by not sketching TT cartoons out first (as shown above) but by just drawing things straight out in ink. (videos of various processes are on YouTube.. if you’re lucky I’ll do some more this weekend..)
The most important thing… as I keep telling myself.. is to keep going, keep trying and not let the voices of doom (instilled long before I took up pen) to take over and ruin a good thing. If I listened to either the internal or external critics I’d never do anything.
But the world is too interesting a place to stop now. And it’s full of people doing the weirdest things and thinking that they are perfectly “normal”. And all of it must be captured and examined and reinterpreted with pen and paper.
In the words of Frank Spencer (or rather his mother).. “Every day, in Every way I will get better and better”.
Cheryl
/ August 17, 2012“Perfection belongs to the Gods; the most
we can hope for is excellence.”
- Carl Jung
WG
/ August 17, 2012Gods eh? I think I’ll settle for “good enough” and a bit of self-acceptance
Jason Evan Mihalko
/ August 17, 2012I like to think we are perfect just the way we are. Goals are great, dreams are even better, but in the moment things are exactly what they should be and exactly perfect.
WG
/ August 17, 2012This is one view.. and it appears that you have achieved some kind of self-accepting nirvana my dear..!
Most of the world isn’t like that, and the people who have to hurl hatred and unnecessary belligerent criticism at other people are just expelling their own demons of self-doubt into the world in a most toxic way.
These people are not “perfect” and worse they are imposing those imperfection on others.
Time to cull the herd methinks..
Jason Evan Mihalko, Psy.D.
/ August 17, 2012Don’t make me come down of my lotus blossom to kiss you with my compassion.
Haters probably had hateful parents. Grew up in hateful communities. Maybe went to places of worship that taught hate. They could have a lack of education, a lack of experiences that have expanded their world view, or any other numbers of factors that can lead one to become demon expelling haters that poison the world.
But I say this: they are exactly the way the should be. They are perfect in that they are the only way the can be with the experiences and lives they have had. That’s not to say that their isn’t a responsibility for change–for a person to pick a better choice that leads to less suffering. They can, and should, find a way to live in the world that causes less harm and more good.
I think though until they–and we–accept that people do or be anything different that what they have already done or are doing, there isn’t the possibility that people can choose to be different.
I’ve heard every DBT trainer, from Marsha on down, tell the same tired story: Imagine you live in a community where there is a hill that ends on a busy road. Children often play on that hill riding their bikes down that hill. One day a child rides down, fails to stop, and is struck and killed by a car on the busy road. The community expresses outrage. This shouldn’t have happened. The world is so terrible. How could this be.
Of course it should have happened. Firstly, it did. There is nothing else that could have happened as it already happened. Secondly–how could have the child and drive make a different choice? Kids play, often recklessly. There were no signs warning drivers to slow down. There was no gate to stop the child. There were no street signs, no parents monitoring, and no one to tell the child not to play on the hill.
The DBT trainers go on to say that before anything different an happen, the community has to accept that (a) it happened, (b) nothing other than what happened could have happened, and (c) the community can come together an become more skillful to make a better choice.
So yes, I think even the hateful people are perfect. I get in a lot of trouble for saying this, and thinking this, but it’s what I think. I accept people for exactly who they are, and challenge them to find ways to be more skillful in bringing happiness into their lives.
When that doesn’t work, I give them the finger, climb back up on my lotus blossom, and wonder if I might try a lilly pad.
WG
/ August 17, 2012“there’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.. it’s easy” ~ John Lennon.
I remain to be convinced. But thank you my little Lotus flower.. I shall bear that in mind when I’m growling at people in the street
Jason Evan Mihalko, Psy.D.
/ August 17, 2012I once tired to sit on a lotus blossom in my office but it always wilted by the end of the day.
You might consider throwing lotus blossoms whilst growling.
WG
/ August 17, 2012lol! I’ll try that
**duck**