I read an article recently (**waves hand dismissively regarding references**) at the same time that I was having a conversation with a therapist-type about therapy causing divorce. Now, it’s not that it actually causes divorce per se, but rather that it messes with one’s expectations of what one should get from a relationship.
Example: If you have a therapist who is all oozing with empathy, attentiveness, active listening and unconditional doodads, and then you go home and get nagged for not taking out the rubbish (US:garbage), or feel criticised for not being good enough at this or that, or some other generally unmet-needs-based bollocks and hey presto – “why can’t you be more like my therapist? .. it must be that you are the froo-it of the dev-iil* and I must go find someone who truly appreciates me”
D.I.V.O.R.C.E as Tammy Wynette warbled it.
Don’t worry, it doesn’t last very long. Just try not to get divorced before the first time your therapist screws up and you realise that everyone is still just human after all.
Most disappointing.
* you won’t get that one unless you’re a Mike Myers fan. And if you can name the film without googling it then you get extra points.
P.S…. I have a new webcomic launching on Friday which will have nothing whatsoever to do with psychology, but you might like it all the same.
Comments
Excellent comic, and excellent follow up post!
…and so i married an axe murderer. :)
You Sir, are feckin awesome. :)
I assume you didn’t Google and that you are just a man of exquisite taste and discernment :)
I like your plates. Are they from Ikea?
Mmm no I think they were from Woolies originally. So sad. :(
I cannot WAIT for the new comic it looks amazing :) :) :)
Haha, girls of cartoo-ins will keep me in roo-ins, I want to be Betty’s Bar-ney. :)
get me off this crazy thing……….. called love
;)
This also happens if you are a trainee counsellor. They even warned us of it when we started the course. Not that I had anyone to get a divorce from, but I did break up a two year relationship a couple of weeks ago and a couple of my classmates are trying to decide whether to quit the course or quit their marriage at the moment! The answer: marry someone who is thoroughly therapised themselves. And if therapised isn’t a word, it should be.
(By the way, giantfossilizedarmadillo = no_ghost on twitter!)
Yep, I normally hop over to your blog from Twitter so I made the connection :)
Yes, I think this will need to be added to the list of “why did no one tell me” or “I wish I’d known before I’d started” :)
Happens with seminary students, too; especially if it’s the wife who’s in seminary.
Another possible solution is not getting married until after therapist/pastoral training is done; because clearly some relationships can’t survive one of the members undergoing change.
Oh goody – I hope it breaks mine up, I was sort of counting on it. Would be a bummer if he doesn’t react..ha, serves me right for strategising.
Exactly why I NEVER ooze empathy. I’m very quick to ask “what is your role is all of this?!” No need in giving them a pair of rose-colored glasses that will be of no use whatsoever out of the session!
Oh my, I used it the other way – when my therapist was a bonehead, I felt free to tell him in unfiltered language. THEN at home I was better at saying “When you say that it hurts my feelings” or “I really like it when you do ___”.
Plus my T was careful to not say he understood me completely, I would not have believed him anyway.
Yep…the tale was great (as usual!) but you gotta give all the “poster” their props:)
one add-on question: what part of the world are you…El Paso…no, Vienna…no…Stronsay – OK I give, where ya be?